I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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