Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
