Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
