dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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