i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
