Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
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I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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