i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
