Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
