eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
