i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
