In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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