Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
