chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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