I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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