i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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