i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
