wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
