I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
