I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
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You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
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He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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