where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
