let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
