I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I cannot find my penis.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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