Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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