I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm passing your future prison.
There's always time for handjobs
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
