Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
