I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You've changed since you got that strap on
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
