im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
