You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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