So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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