Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
