i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
