The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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