Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
