Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
