never play flip cup with pint glasses
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
