I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize