all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
did you just send me my own nude
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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