apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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