I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well I just put wine in my tea
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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