my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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