I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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