the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
