I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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