98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I enjoy the company of your penis
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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