Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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