he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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