We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
