i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
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What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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