I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
