he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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