Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
