She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
