I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
