I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
