Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
