You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
