I think I died a long time ago.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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