Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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